Incredible shrinking arms

My arms and legs are too short. The biggest obstacle I have at Curves, well, besides working out, is getting on and off the machines. It's like my arms and legs have shrunk since my body has gotten bigger. What is up with that?!? I'm either going to hurt myself really badly or break one of the machines trying to get on and off of them.

I went to Curves three days last week. Hey, that's good for me considering I haven't exercised in years. I have been a little sore, but not too bad. I thought I would be a lot more sore than I have been. The exercise machines aren't the problem. I really don't have any problem with them or walking in place in between machines. What I have a problem with is the cool down stretch after the workout!

Picture this .... I finish my work out and am sweating like a pig. The 5,000 gallons of oil spilling into the Gulf right now is nothing compared to the sweat gushing out of my body. I don't think there is a spot that is not sweating. And my eyes! Oh, my eyes! The sweat runs into my eyes and I think I am going blind. I'm lightheaded from the workout, there is sweat in my eyes and I'm starting to see a few stars. I feel like I am flailing around like a kid that just got off the merry-go-round at the park and I feel a touch of nausea coming on. Agony ..... pure agony .....

I think I can sneak out without the cool down. What is the point anyway? I've worked my tail off for 30 minutes to get my heart rate to fat-burning level and now they want me to cool off and get my heart rate down. Don't think so. I worked hard for this heart rate and I am not cooling it down!

Oh, no! "Amy don't forget to stretch and cool down," a voice says. Crap, they know me already. But they are so kind. They have a poster on the wall reminding the people like me that are so exhausted that we can't focus or recall anything they have been told in the last 48 hours.

The first few stretches are easy enough. Then I have to stretch my arm over my head and grab my elbow in my other hand and pull it toward my head. This is when I really realize that my arms have shrunk. I couldn't reach my elbow to save the free world at this point. Then I have to get on the floor and get into these contortionist position that can only be good for training for the world championship Twister competition!

But it's almost over for today. I can see the door. It's not the exit, but if I can crawl or drag my body to it, I can use the doorknob to pull myself to a standing position. Then, maybe, just maybe I can recall how to walk to the front door.

Curves IS NOT for wussies

I took a major step today as I started yet another weight loss attempt. I would be telling a big, fat lie if I said that over the last six year, since Lani was born, that I had really tried to lose weight. My idea of a diet pretty much consisted of only eating chocolate on any day that ended in "y." I love to eat and I do not love to exercise ... that is a bad combination any way that you add it up.

Over the last six years, it has just gotten worse and worse. I've thought about all the surgeries that are out there for weight loss, but I didn't want to do that because if you have the surgery and still don't lose weight then that would really make you a loser and not the good kind ... plus, our insurance doesn't cover it so it is totally out of the question!

Oh, I forgot to tell you what my big step was .... I joined Curves. I can hear the applause now. Joining Curves was a big deal for me. Number One, it mean that I was paying money to exercise so I had to do it and, Number Two, I had to get past all the "girly gym" thoughts that kept going through my head. I used to work out a lot and believe it or not I was in really good shape. But that was many years ago. I would go to the gym to pump iron and get all buff and stuff.

Now my biggest challenge in the gym is getting on and off the equipment. I think my arms and legs are getting shorter as my body is getting rounder. Before today when I would tell someone I was thinking about joining Curves, I would almost whisper it, because I thought it was a "girly gym." Let me tell you in the best way I know how .... Curves IS NOT for wussies!

My new good friend and drill sergeant Judy got me signed up at Curves. Now, Judy is probably not old enough to be my grandmother, but she is a good bit older than I am. I figured she would go easy on me my first day as she explained all the equipment to me and how to use it. Boy, was I ever wrong. Judy took me through the circuit twice, like I will do every day when I work out and I thought I was going to die. You would have thought I had never been on exercise equipment in my life. She kept pushing me harder and showing me the right way to do things ... and the right was is not the easiest way .... believe me!

There was one machine she put me on and she told me that it would work my abs. At this point, I don't have abs .... it's more like flabs. She showed me how to do it and put me on the machine. "Can't you bend over any more than that?" she asked me. "Well, no! I can't get past my gut!" I already know that I hate that machine.

We finally finished our workout and it was time to stretch and cool down. What a joke! I could hardly move at this point and I was sweating like a pig! I was light-headed and I think I saw a few stars too (and I'm not talking about George Clooney and Brad Pitt). I really tried to stretch, but I ran into that short arm and short leg thing again ... man, that is a pain. Finally, I think Judy felt sorry for me and just told me to roll around on the floor until I felt something stretch. Thanks for your mercy, Judy!

I'm going to get through this though. Tomorrow morning I've told Ric, my husband, to have Ensminger crane service on speed dial just in case I can't get out of the bed.